Spring of ’84

Parking Lot
The Latin word rapere “to seize,” from which rape is derived
In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I am breaking my silence and sharing my story…
I was very excited to be going on my first date with this guy that I had met at the mall. He was tall, with an athletic built. He was very handsome and quite charming. He was not only charming, but very polite. When he came by my house to pick me up, he was a proven gentleman.
As we walked to his car, he quickly opened the car door for me and we drove off.
It was in the evening around 8:30pm, we were on our way to a late dinner. As we passed by my high school, he proceeded to drive into the parking lot. I looked at him with a nervous smile and asked him why we were here? He let me know that we had some time to kill before dinner and he wanted to hang out and talk before we go to the restaurant.
The talking quickly lead to kissing, which lead to him getting on top of me, pulling my skirt up and   entering me without a condom. I told him I was a virgin and begged him to stop and that he was hurting me.. his response, “I will be gentle”. The charming and polite gentlemen, quickly turned into a cold, self-gratifying, jerk. He had entered me, which was followed by much pain. I felt dizzy, as my head was spinning, and every emotion from anger, shock and despair engulfed me.  I couldn’t believe what was happening.
The next thing I hear is a tap..tap..tap.. on the window and a light flashing into the drivers side.  
 He immediately jumps off of me and pulls up his pants.
He rolled the window down, and it is a police officer. The officer asks us what
we are doing and asks for his license. The officer than shines his light on me, and asks me for my name and birthdate. I give him my real name, but a fake birthdate, I pretended to be 17. You see, even though I was being violated, I wanted to protect the violater. He was 19 and I was 14. 
If I told the officer exactly what was going on, he would have been arrested on the spot.
But…I was too afraid to tell the truth. The officer then tells us to leave the property.
He drives me home, leans over, kisses me on my cheek and tells me he had a great night.
Without responding, I get out of the car, go into the house, take a shower and cry…
I didn’t tell anyone until I was an adult because I felt as if I had
encouraged his behavior.
TODAY, I realize that I was not to blame, that I did not encourage him or provoke him to rape me. Today, I NO LONGER live in Shame.
 Live Help for Sexual Assault Victims and Their Friends and Families

https://rainn.org/      1-800-656-HOPE

Categories Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor, FaithTags , , , , , ,

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