Oh where..oh where..could it be?

What is the most precious thing you have ever lost? Really..take a moment and remember how you felt when you lost it..now..how did it make you feel?

For me, that question brought chills down my spine as I never have completly recovered from losing my most precious possession.

When an item is lost, you find yourself frantically looking EVERYWHERE. You look high and low,  above and beneath, between and around, just about every crack and crevice will be inspected. You track and retrack every step, going in circles, just hoping that it will turn up.

You begin to question yourself and think that possibly you never had it in the first place and maybe you left the item safely tucked away at home.

But reality sets in when you truly realize that the item is nowhere to be found.

When I was a child, my innocence was lost taken. The moment I was violated….my life changed.

Years after the incidents of being molested as a child and raped at the age of 14.  I lived in a whirlwind aftermath of always “looking for something”.

In my teenage years,  I needed attention and was constantly looking to men for validation. Sex became a major motivator in my quest for acceptance and love.

The countless names or faces of every partner is difficult to recollect. During the “act” I emotionally removed myself and became simply a vessel for someone else’s satisfaction.

Today…the searching has been replaced with “recovering” as I continue on my journey to healing.

FAITH…it does not make things easy..it makes them possible. Luke 1:37

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. survivorsjustice says:

    Powerful, indeed we do search out for many years, wondering through life as if a piece of us is missing, had to share you post on the My Justice fb page and hope to join in with more – ty for this – trish

    1. bnewvision says:

      Thank you so much Trish for your comment and for sharing on your fb page. It really helps to read others journey, the support is amazing! And sorry for the delay responding!

  2. Just discovered your blog through Patricia McKnight. I, too, am a survivor of incest. I know well the quest for that most precious lost gift. My husband knew I wasn’t a virgin when we first got married but he didn’t know about the incest. I was too afraid to tell him, then when we had been married for 8 years my sister, who I had just told about the incest, said something in front of my husband so I had to tell him. I hadn’t told him before because I still had the fear of not being good enough and was afraid that he wouldn’t love me and would leave if he knew. He didn’t leave and we have now been married for 40 years so I know he still loves me. Because of the incest and my healing journey, our love has been tested throughout the years and is still strong.

    1. bnewvision says:

      So for taking so long to reply. Thank you for commenting and sharing your own experience sharing your story with your husband. Yes, that was one of the hardest things I had to do as well. But once I told the secret, it truly was and continues to be liberating. 40 years of marriage! Such a Blessing and testimony to others!! Hugs to you and God Bless!

  3. I love this blog and I wanted to tell you that I am releasing a blog on December 5th, that I want you to read. Also, I would like to invite your to participate in something special. Please consider being a guest contributor on my blog for this month. The theme is “What Have You Learned This Year?” Here is the link for more information. I am accepting guest blogs, and comments of course 🙂 http://ressurrection.wordpress.com/2012/12/01/what-have-you-learned-this-year/

    1. bnewvision says:

      Thank you so much Res, I have been MIA. Life doesn’t stop and seem to be working thru several challenges. But in the midst..God is Still Good! I will go to your link and hopefully be able to do a guest post. I also would still love to be interviewed by you. Take care! Denise

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