The Truth will set you Free..

(If you are a Victim of Rape, this Story may trigger you, proceed with caution)

The Latin word rapere “to seize,” from which RAPE is derived.

RAPE: Forcing of somebody into sex: the crime of using force to have sexual intercourse with somebody.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, http://www.nsvrc.org/saam/ . I recently have been asked to share my story on April 5th about being a childhood abuse and rape survivor on an online talk show http://ravensclosettalkshow.com/ .

While thinking about what I am going to share. It has been rather difficult to give myself permission to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.…Why is it so difficult to reveal and release the details of the secrets I have been holding onto for so long? I realized that I have only told my story to a few select people, and the thought of talking about the details of my abuse to the public is pretty scary.

I was struggling with determining if I was “raped” or if it was an “attempted” raped. So, yesterday, I decided to call RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) hotline 1-800-656-HOPE. For me, this call would be for them to validate, what I already knew.

When the lady on the hotline answered the phone, I explained to her that I am not in a crises,  I just need a listening ear. I then quickly rushed thru my story, jumping from different time frames, different periods of my life that were affected by abuse.  I proceeded to tell her that I had been sexually molested by several people from the age of 3 to the age of 12 and that at the age of 14 I went on a date with an older guy and..she kindly interrupted me,”Excuse me”, She begin to reassure me that my story is important, that I need to relax and that she is here to listen. I took a deep breath, slowly exhaled, then continued to tell her what happened in the Spring of 1984.

I was very excited to be going on my first date with this guy that I had met at the mall. He was tall, with an athletic built. He was very handsome and quite charming. He was not only charming, but very polite. When he came by my house to pick me up, he visited with my Mom and she gave me the approval to go on this date, with this “proven gentleman”.  He complimented me as we walked to his car, he quickly opened the car door for me and we drove off.

It was in the evening around 8:00pm, we were on our way to dinner. As we passed by my high school, he proceeded to drive into the parking lot. I looked at him with a nervous smile and asked him why are we here? He let me know that we had some time to kill before dinner and he wanted to hang out and talk before we go to the restaurant. Our talking quickly lead to kissing, which lead to him getting on top of me, pulling my skirt up..I told him I was a virgin and begged him to stop. I told him that he was hurting me, his response, “I will be gentle”.  The charming and polite gentlemen, turned into a cold, self-gratifying, jerk. The next thing I hear is a tap..tap..tap.. on the window of the driver’s side of the car and a light beaming through the window. He jumps off of me and pulls up his pants. He rolls the window down, and it is a police officer. The officer asks us what we are doing and asks for his license. The officer than shines his light on me, and asks me for my name and birthdate. I give him my real name, but a fake birthdate, I pretended to be 17. You see, even though I was being Violated, I wanted to protect the Violater. He was 19, I was 14. He was an Adult, I was a Child. If I told the officer exactly what was going on, he would have been arrested on the spot. I was too afraid to tell the truth. The officer then told us that we are not to be on the school premises and to leave the property. My ride home was dead silent, when we got to my house, he leans over and kisses me on my cheek, and tells me he had a great night. Without responding, I got out of the car, went into the house, went directly to my room and cried.

When I was finished telling my story, the lady on the RAINN hotline, informs me that this was not an “attempted” rape, but that I actually was raped. For years, I had excused the act as an “attempt” in order to take away from the violence. I allowed the rape to be an “attempt” because somehow I felt like I had encouraged his behavior. Today, I can finally say, with conviction, that I am a SURVIVOR of Rape, who will no longer will remain silenced by the shame. Through this blog, I am able to write about it, but to actually “say” it is very powerful. There is power in Words, and by participating in the interview on April 5th, I declare that day, my day of Emancipation. I am going to be very precise on the details of the abuse and how it affects me, by doing so, I am taking back my Power, giving others Hope and setting this Captive FREE.
Denise Boyd Copyright ©
The following resources are very helpful, they have given me support and encouragement in my Journey of Healing:

http://www.rainn.org/

http://www.weaveinc.org/

http://www.ascasupport.org/

http://www.joycemeyer.org/

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16 Comments Add yours

  1. Rich Kenney says:

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You are to be admired for speaking about it so that others can learn from your ordeal. I will be praying for you on April 5th that your presentation goes well. God bless.

    1. bnewvision says:

      Hello Rich,
      Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your prayers for the 5th. Sharing my story is truly helping me and I pray it will help other’s.

  2. ayasonice says:

    Hi Denise, this is a very touching story and your’e doing the right thing by sharing here. Others who can relate are sure to find comfort and hope through your writings. I look forward to reading more from you. ~ Ayasonice

    1. bnewvision says:

      Hello Ayasonice,
      Thank you for your encouragement! I appreciate you commenting on my post. Sharing my story is huge in my healing process. Being a victim is no longer an option. Blessings to you!

      1. ayasonice says:

        Thank you for opening up your soul to the world. It’s a pleasure reading your writings but I wish you never had to go through all that pain. I guess it’s a metamorphosis and now you’re soaring to new heights. You’re beautiful on the outside and the inside (from the very little I can see). I look forward to more and more of your work. Hugs

  3. The truth is, abusers and abuse gain their power from silence and through the years they have used many weapons to gain that silence, such as fear, guilt, shame, humiliation, and doubt either from the abuser or worse, society and lack of knowledge, BUT the minute we can see through the fog they have created, the power becomes ours once more.

    There is almost nothing more powerful than the moment a victim realizes and comprehends that they are NOT alone and that the abuse they suffered is in fact real. It is in that moment, the path of a survivor is lit up and all the victim has to do take a step into the light.

    I am very proud of you for coming out and sharing what you have gone through. I can feel the courage and strength in your words. I do wish you the best in your interview and my only advice to you is … to grab hold and own every word you have, because it is with those words that you will be able to give hope and guidance to those still lost in the fog.

    We are not alone. Not yesterday, not today and never tomorrow.

    1. bnewvision says:

      Hello Michelle,
      Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! While reading the following words, “my only advice to you is….to grab and own every word you have, because it is with those words that you will be able to give hope and guidance to those still lost in the fog”. I had been struggling with being confident in my story. OWNING my story is a huge realization. My story of overcoming abuse is important. I look forward to sharing my story to the public on the 5th. Again, thank you for your encouragement, you have truly Blessed me!

      1. OWNING your story, is a step by step process. It doesn’t happen overnight. To own your story means knowing, understanding, accepting what happened to you and most importantly, realizing that it was not your fault and deciding that you will move forward. I have learned that this becomes more and more possible the more you share your story. You are on the right track!

        This journey you are on is a beautiful one, because regardless of the darkness you have faced, you will learn to love and appreciate the wonderful beauty you are becoming. Have faith and stay strong!

        We are not alone. Not yesterday, not today and never tomorrow.

  4. nikky44 says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is RAPE. I was like you, trying to protect the abuser.

    1. bnewvision says:

      It feels liberating to actually say the ugly word, RAPE and truly call it what it is. Again, the Truth will set us Free! Stay encouraged!

  5. Bird says:

    I admire your courage. To this day, I’ve never told a single soul the details of my childhood sexual abuse. I can only imagine the anxiety level you must feel having to speak about something like this. Thank you for sharing….

    1. bnewvision says:

      I feel like I have no other choice. The only way for me to heal is by telling my story. Those secrets have held me captive for so long. My desire to be free from the pain began to be bigger than my desire to hold onto the secret. Coming to this point in my life was not easy. Stay encouraged and know that you too have the courage and strength needed to heal. God is Faithful and will never Leave you. Hugs!!

  6. Thank you, I have recently been looking for facts about this question for a while and yours is the best I have found so far.
    My site is about Back Pain Relief.

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